Four Eyed Monsters - Movie No. 10

Four Eyed Monsters

Director: Susan Buice, Arin Crumley

Starring: Susan Buice, Arin Crumley

Year: 2005

Watched: 8/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Arin is a film maker (thinks he is) Susan is an artist (thinks she is) both sturggle to fit into normal society and have relationships (no suprise! as they are asses!). Together they create an alternative to the traditional way of dating and a shite film in the process.

What I Thought...

I hated this so much i am not even going to spell check the review.....hope the grammar is all over the shop just like the film.

I think i found this film on quicktime trailers. For some crazy reason i made a note of the name and thought "that could be worth a watch". I dont drink or do drugs so this was clearly a moment of madness!

I have done this review backwards by writing the overall section first. The reason for this was i was so annoyed and rant filled i thought it best to get it out of my system. I fear the little ranting monster may return as i keep writing.

The film opens with some nice shots of busy street and we soon learn that the four eyed monsters refers to couples, i was thinking we had a good start here! As soon as we are introduced to the main character it all goes down hill. No one in this film i likable! No one!! if you can relate to these people then im sorry your a tit! and that isn't me being a pretentious twat and thinking because people aren't like me they are asses. No i am basing this on the general facts of life that occasionally you run into people so annoying that you wanna punch their faces! or kick then right in the shin and say "wise up! you cocky cock!"

Arin is a film maker! is he fuck! he made this film which is the most up itself, tripe, pretencious piece of crap i ever had the displeasure of watching! There is a flaw with a film where one character is a film maker and cant make films and the other is an artist and cant fucking draw. There is no art or filmmaking in this film it is dribble! Self indulgent dribble from two little weirdos that want to say "we are artists" and "we make films". No you dont!

(They could be lovely people in real life but wow this film really grinded my gears)

This is trying so hard to be different it turns out to be like every other piece of shite that two untalented people would call a film. Anyone can make a film right? yeah they can! thats whats fantastic about film making all you need is a camera and some editing software. I look forward to the day when games are the same, we are slowly getting to the stage where anyone can make a game! Doesnt mean everyone should!

Fuck im ranting again....so Arin meets Susan through some online bullshit and they decide to meet up. They come up with the idea of an anti date. Yeah i just wrote that....an anti date! They are sooooo coool and alternative and non conformist that they can communicate like normal people sop they have an anti date. ARRRGGHHHH its just tough to watch two people plaster how different they are on screen with so little talent. Anyway their shite little pathetic relationship develops and one of they gets and STI. i thought "fucking brilliant, you deserved that!" This is the only good section of the film!

Script is turd, acting is tripe, directing is dribble! They are not film makers or artists or people who should be given any attention! The kind of little weirdos that you may have the bad luck of meeting at some social gathering in your life. If you do tell them...they are not special and never ever try to make a film or artwork!

Overall

I feel my rant was so huge that i will find it hard to review this film so i am writing the overall section first. Total turd of the highest caliber, I hate arty cocks! I love arty people the kind you meet and you eventually find out that they love films or art or books. Not the kind of pompus little shitbag that ram it down your throat. I can make a film about being a cock, its fucking easy!!! I will walk around and talk about what it is like to be unique and alternative and outside the circle while. By making my film like every other little shit bag who thinks they are an artist I will therefore cease to be alternative or arty or edgy and remain a little fuck dog of an emo. The people who made this film are probably really nice but the film is total turd! Just hard to watch and badly written and dribble!! Bride wars is a total classic compared to this shite, this absolute shite!!

It hurt, they suck, fuck off, dont watch!!!!

I refuse to score this crap. Not even a comedy score....

The film is here if anyone wants to feel my pain....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8rRFFi_stY