Bride Wars - Movie No. 5

Bride Wars

Director: The Devil

Starring: The Devil

Year: 666 (2009)

Watched: 4/1/11

What the fudge is it?

Two obviously unhinged crazy bitches become even more crazy when their weddings fall on the same day. Its every unfunny bride for themselves as the brides go about sabotaging eachothers weddings. Cue audience puking and eye gouging!

What i Thought...

I am a massive Mark Kermode fan. I listen to the podcast weekly and i am in the middle of reading his book. Now what i like about Kermode is i dont always agree with him, loads of films i love he slates and loads he enjoys (twilight) i cant stand. Now Mark Kermode declared this one of the worst films of the year and possibly ever! I just had to watch it!

I sat down to watch Bride Wars thinking......

"It isnt as bad as Kermode made out"

"I bet is decent enough"

"Worst come to the worst Anne Hathaway will keep me entertained"

Licking poop off a public toilet seat while doing an Irish essay would have been more entertaining than this film! And before anyone thinks of a witty response to that i hate licking poop and Irish! So far i think i have kept the swearing and insulting to a minimum, i am now sorry as this film may have woken the sleeping C*$T within me.

I dont think the idea itself is to blame. Everyone know that Brides can get a little crazy trying to organise the perfect day. Wedding humor has been done loads before and worked (four weddings and a funeral, my best friends wedding, the wedding singer, father of the bride)

I'm sorry but even the wedding planner and bride of Chucky were passable. I take that back Bride of Chucky is the Citizen Kane of the wedding genre compared to Bride Wars! Chucky would take the Oscar for best performance in a wedding themed comedy over Hudson and Hathaway any day.

I like Anne Hathaway and i like Kate Hudson. Should i blame them for the torture that was watching this film? i dont know....Should i blame the director? i dont know.....Writers?.....i dont know.

It is hard to find the words to describe how bad this film is. I can take bad. Bad with some ok joke is still watchable. This is just lazy and boring and immature. Not immature in a Jackass way just in the way when a little shit head of a kid does something immature you just shake your head and cant even come up with a response. That level of immaturity that only provokes disappointment and pity!

The film plays out with the two stupid bitches trying to one up each other and secure the hotel, cake, etc, etc for their big day. The pranks between the two are just terrible. Kate Hudson messes with Anne Hathaways tan resulting in her looking like a massive umpa lumpa while Hathaway sends Hudson chocolate and cake so she will get fat and not fit into her vera wang! Chocolate, Cake and fake tan!!! thats fucking it!! Kevin McCallister would laugh his ass off at the shit attempts of these ladies!

Then there is the dialogue in this big ball of pants. The dialogue could have been written by a 12 year old girl on a mobile phone. One scene sees the two throwing insults at eachother:

"Your wedding can suck it"

"If i were your wedding, I'd be sleeping with one eye open..."

"Your wedding is gonna be huge, like your ass at prom"

Thats the level of comedy and intelligence in this film! Total turd! At least a turd brings with it relief! Avoid this film like the plague. It has nothing to offer, terrible performances, terrible comedy actually no comedy.

Now anyone who likes this film. Take a long hard look at yourself because you are wrong. I know everyone has their own opinion and i am wrong about so many things but this time i am right. if you like this film you need help! real help! because what you think is funny and entertaining is torture! and that is sick. People who like hostel and saw are beautiful people compared to you. Don't try and argue because you are wrong! Wise up and get help!

Overall

The devil is present in this film! Evil shite of the worst kind!

-5/5