Morning Glory - Movie No. 23

Morning Glory

Director: Roger Michell

Starring: Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton

Year: 2010

Watched: 23/1/11

What the fudge is it?

Rachel Mc Adams is a young television producer with big dreams of making it to some big named morning show that i cant remember the name of. She ends up working at Daybreak and decides the best way to revive the show is by bringing disgruntled Indiana reporter on air.

What I Thought...

I didn’t have high hopes for this one bit the idea of Harrison ford mumbling and grumbling was enough to get my bum in the seat. Rachel McAdams plays a young, sexy soon to be successful producer who cant seem to meet a nice guy and maintain a relationship with him. This in itself is silly far fetched as lets face it if Rachel Mc Adams had a tendency to set you on fire when you were sleeping you would still try and make it work.

We soon see McAdams let go from her job and hired to work on a calamity of a show named Daybreak. No joke it is called Daybreak. It doesn’t have sexy Christina and that penis from match of the day 2 but it does have Diane Keating.

Keating is very good as the daft, slightly past it anchor who just wants the show to work. A lot of the funny moments in the film come from her relationship with Harrison Ford. The funniest thing about the film is Harison ford who plays a once credible jounalist who is only staying with the company to get the money left on his contract. McAdams character decides to throw him back on screen. He is like a more mature disgruntled Ron Burgundy. Jeff goldblum makes an appearance as a fast talking Jewish man which means that he makes an appearance as Jeff Goldblum. I always enjoy a bit of Jeff and his flappy hands.

There is a typical romantic interest story line involving McAdams but the most interesting sections of the film are all about Harrison Ford as he mumbles and grumbles his way through the film pissing everyone off. It seem the script cant make up its mind if it is an all out romantic comedy about a single woman trying to balance a demanding job with unsociable hours, a comedy about and over the hill reporter who has stopped caring or a satirical comedy about the nature of broadcast journalism and the uneven balance between entertainment and news. i believe this last sentence probably breaks all rules of good english and grammar but it was the only way i could get it out.

Overall

Not amazing but with some good chuckles. Nice to see Harrison ford use his grumpiness for comedy. Goes a bit too cheesy towards the end.

3/5

The Kings Speech - Movie no. 22

The Kings Speech

Director: Tom Hooper

Starring: Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush and Helena Bonham Carter

Year: 2010

Watched: 23/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

The story of Bertie (King George VI to some people), as he is thrust onto the throne. Struggling with a stammer Bertie forms an unlikely friendship with a slightly crazy speech therapist as he tries to overcome his stammer and lead a nation.

What I Thought...

I didnt know anything about King George VI or his brother or his stammer before seeing this film which i think was a good thing. Lets me honest as an Irish person who didn't keep up history in school how was i going to know anything. Some people will read this and think how does he not know about "the speech" but you can fuck right off i doubt everyone knows who "the one true freeman" is. Yeah thats a nerdy computer games reference and i am not for one second comparing it to a world war.

Can a film that revolves around speech therapy be interesting? It appears so. i found the whole film, its cast, sets and everything to be fantastic. I know it is easy to jump on the Oscar bandwagon (i feel Nolan should has got a best director Oscar, and Toy story 3 Best film) but as my little bracket bit just pointed out i dont feel the film should have done as well as it did.

The scenes with Lionel and Bertie are great, not only do they show us the unusual methods of treatment but they also act most like a traditional shrink session. It reminded me alot of the scenes from Sopranos with Tony and Dr. Melfi. The characters history is never written out in black and white but through conversation we begin to learn why Bertie is the way he is. it would have been easier and shitter to just use a flashback which is a credit to the script and direction.

Guy Pierce is great as the slightly childish and rough King Edward VIII. its also nice to see Helen Bonham Carter not play a punked up goth in a Tim Burton. She plays a very likeable and pretty humorous Queen Liz.

Overall

Worth its praise. A great film that takes something as simple as treating a speech impediment and makes it dramatic and grand.

5/5

Green Hornet - Movie No. 21

The Green Hornet

Director: Michel Gondry

Starring: Seth Rogen, Jay Chou and Christoph Waltz

Year: 2011

Watched: 22/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Britt Reid is a bit of a waster. Following the death of his father he decides to become a masked crime fighter, he has no talent so his side kick does most of the work.

What I Thought...

i like Seth Rogan and he funny laugh so i was excited about this film....apart from the 3D of course. Britt Reid (rogan) is a rich party boy. His father on the other hand owns a newspaper and is a well respected journalist. After the death of his father Britt decides to drop the martinis and strippers for a mask and sexy car. No he isn't into dogging and bondage (thats the green horny) he has decided to fight crime.

There has been a pattern recently of exploring super heroes darker sides. We saw it in batman, watchmen and iron man. Its an important part of a superhero that he has human traits and a darker side. Iron man is not a superhero in the traditional way he is a normal dude who has the ability to be one, same as batman. For me the green hornet is a regular guy, he doesnt even have any skills. He cant really make cool shit or solve crimes he is just a regular guy. The newest movie adaptation does nothing to change that view. Rogans Green hornet is a jerk with very few redeeming features. There should be a balance between the assy side of a hero and the nice. With the green hornet these isn't that balance. Even when apologizing the character comes across sarcastic and cowardly. Rogan has nailed he jerk side of the character but i dont know if it is down to the script or direction or acting but we never see the other side.

Kato is a great character, so we know he makes cool shit and can kick the crap into any amount of men at one time. The making of cool stuff is the usual run of the mill montages of building, testing and building some more before grand unveiling. All this looks great where the film stumbles is with the fighting sequences. I cannot understand why the director would think it is cool to show how Kato sees fights in the way he has. During fight scenes we see what i can only describe as Kato 2000 vision. It appears Kato can show down times in his head and enemy items appear red. This is ridiculous, I know it is a representation but it sticks out like a sore thumb and is very stupid. Much like the scene in Doom when it went into first person mode i let out a little disappointed sigh as if a stripper just removed her to to reveal a hairy chest.

Christopher Waltz pops up as a slightly camp and aging gangster. i enjoyed his performance but it didnt seem too far from inglorious. For me one of the best scenes was when his character confronted a younger gangster (James Franco). It was a nice comparison to how we now see villains in movies compared to the traditional ways.

Overall

Some ok gags and action but for me it was ruined by Kato vision and 3D. When people are producing movies like Iron Man and the Dark Knight this run of the mill poop aint gonna cut it.

2/5

Black Swan - Movie No. 20

Black Swan

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassel

Year: 2010

Watched: 21/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Nina (Portman) has been chosen to play the lead in Swan Lake. She is everything the white swan should be: innocent, elegant and beautiful. In order to play the black swan she must tap into her more sinister and sensual side. Ballet has never looked so cool.

What i Thought...

I feel that every time i go to review a film i like i almost give a little disclaimer to warn anyone reading that i love the director or actor or something like that. I was about to start writing one but i will try and stop. The hardest thing about reviewing Black Swan is avoiding other reviews. I have made a point of not listening to or reading reviews of any of the films i am writing about. I have only heard friends opinions on all of the film so i will be glad that i can finally sit down and listen to Mark Kermodes views on this film after a very very long wait......but first.

Its hard not to walk into Black Swan with some hype following you. We have been hearing about best actress, film and director nominations for ages. if you managed to avoid that you would still hear about lesbian scenes which is enough to pack out a Boro cinema on a Friday night. I was just really looking forward to seeing what Darren Aronofsky did after the wrestler.

I think it is going to be hard to structure this review as my head is filled with shit about the film so i will try my best, my biggest fear is leaving out something i loved as the more i think about it the more cool things pop into my head.

I have heard from alot of people that this film is "weird" and "shite". ive also heard "natalie portman was crap" and "natalie portman was amazing". I am all for opinions but at the end of it all i think mine is always right. I feel the film is getting very mixed feedback from people as they are expecting something different. Is it the main stream coverage the film is getting or the awards that is making them think they are walking into a crazy heart with ballet. This is a film by Darren Aronofsky! Do a little fucking research and realize that guy has made some weird shit. I loved the fountain, requiem, Pi and the wrestler so i knew i wasnt going to walk into a run of the mill movie.

The film follows the story of Nina a ballerina dancing with a New York dance company. With interest in recent shows the artistic director decides to inject some new blood into the company. Nina is chosen for the main role in swan lake. She is graceful and beautiful everything you need to be to play the white swan. Her artistic director urges her to get in touch with her dark side in order to play the black swan, a much more sexual and sinister character. as she explores her dark side she becomes more reckless and begins spiraling out of control. With competition from rival dancer Lily and the overbearing pressure of her mother Nina finds it harder and harder to maintain control and her sanity.

Portman is unbelievable, of course the story of Swan Lake and the transformation from innocent white swan into the black swan run through the film but it is most obvious in Portmans performance. She plays the part brilliantly and is well deserving of her Oscar. From a fragile and timid girl to a sexual and tormented woman we see her character literally shift as the film progresses. What is most impressive is she is on screen non stop. Much like Rourke in the wrestler this is driven by her performance. She is the leading lady and carrys the film from start to finish. This is not big loud over the top acting it is proper subtle acting over the span of the whole film. Its nice to seem an Oscar winner who hasn't played a minority, famous person or taken on a physical transformation to just make themselves ugly.

The film looks and sounds stunning. There were some lovely touches of sound in requiem for a dream and the wrestler and they have been topped in this. The cracking of toes and creaking of floor boards add to the suspense that this character, the world and the lives in it could fall apart at any given moment. The dancing looks fantastic! must like he did for wrestling Anonofsky gets close to the action and shows the beauty and risk of the ballet. Its never shown in a glamourous light we see the blood and sweat and tears that go into producing something so beautiful.

As the character of Nina explores the darker side of her personality the film shifts into an almost supernatural and psychological genre. There are a lot of shots that reminded me of the fly and american werewolf in its body transformation sequences. The body shock horror pieces are brilliant and disturbing. One fantastic scene will make you never want to pull a rag nail again.

Ninas relationship with her mother is a very odd one. It is never fully explored only implied but there is a definite Psycho feel. Barbara Hershey is fantastic as the over protective and slightly unhindged mother. The two are fantastic on screen together and the scenes again possess that uneasy feeling that at any given moment it could all boil over.

Given the nature of the black swan character it is inevitable that the film deals with sexuality and seduction. There are shades of exploitive sex that reminded me a lot of requiem for a dream. Yes there is the infamous lesbian scene but it isn't delivered in a smutty wild things manner. Even the sex is dealt with in a dark and disturbing way which was refreshing and added to the tension overall. its a great contrast to see the comparison of ballets purity and innocence against the smutty and sleazy view of sex that i last saw in requiem.

The whole film has a distinct feel which is similar to the wrestler. At points it almost feels like a documentary with the camera following Portman through her practices and routines. Dwelling on the smaller details of ballet like stretches, preparing etc. Just like the wrestler the film embraces the detail and takes the viewer into the world. There are narrative comparisons to the wrestler looking the physical and mental sacrifices it takes to be centre stage and be in the main event of your sport of choice.

I have banged on about Portman and Hersheys performances but the rest of the cast are also fantastic. Vincent Cassell is perfect as the passionate but slightly sinister creative director. Mila Kunis shakes off any views that she is only a comedic actress, the jealously between her and Portman looks and feel genuine. One of the real stand performance is Winona Ryder, her character Beth Macintyre acts as a great warning to the character of Nina. She is deeply tormented and now that her prima ballerina position has been taken by Nina she is filled with jealously and rage. Ryder is fantastic and really looks like a woman who is falling apart at the seems. Her character is a much more extreme version of the retired wrestlers randy the ram met at the autograph signing, a woman who made the physical and mental sacrifices to be at the top and now that it is gone she has nothing.

Overall just a fantastic cinema experience, hints of the fly, psycho, requiem and the wrestler. Natalie Portman is superb from start to finish, her acting in great but subtle. Great script and pacing along with fantastic direction.....everything this Darren fanboy needed.

Overall

Stunning! Dark, creepy, beautiful and scary all at the same time! Fantastic performances and directing. The best film i have seen in a long long time. Loved it from start to finish and i think it will be seen as an absolute classic.

5/5

Conviction - Movie No. 19

Conviction

Director: Tony Goldwyn

Starring: Hilary Swank, Sam Rockwell and Melissa Leo

Year: 2010

Watched: 20/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Based on the true story of Betty Walters, a single mother who dedicated a shit load of time putting herself through law school to try and overturn her brothers murder conviction. By shit load i mean 12 years or so.

What i Thought...

I don't know if it bodes well for a film when I'm not looking forward to reviewing it. There are a few reasons for this. Maybe it wasn't that good or maybe its because i have another film to review next that i enjoyed slightly more. in this case it could be both. But fuck it this woman spent 12 years or so getting through law school i can must up 12 minutes or so to review it.

So as the what the fudge section says or as i should probably refer to it the synopsis. Conviction is the story of Betty Walters who after her brother is convicted of murder and several failed appeals puts herself through law school in order to defend poor Sam Rockwell.

The film does a great job of showing us that Kenny (Sam Rockwell) is no saint. Most of the opening reel is dedicated to showing us his nasty side but also his comic value. Rockwell does a great job of playing the lovable dick. The follows the nasty event. Once locked up with the key well and truly thrown away the acting reigns are handed over to Swank.

We follow Betty as she struggles to keep her marriage together, juggle a job and get herself through law school. To be honest at times i struggled to keep interested. Swank is great as the persistent Betty and the visit to Kenny in prison give Sam Rockwell a chance to really show off. He captures Kenny as he hopes and fail and hope and fails before eventually giving up on ever getting out. So whats the problem?

its hard to say....something just is a little dull, i thought it was the directing but maybe it was the script. We seem to spend a lot of time learning to be a lawyer, don't get me wrong it took her a while to do it and that's fantastic. The movie dwells on that part too long, we are given tiny glimpses of the effects this journey has on the husband and children of Betty.

The there is the actual overturning of the conviction (if you think i just did a spoiler, fuck off!). There is an interesting story here as it uses DNA evidence and it is mixed up with hints of police corruption. This is given what seems like 30 minutes on screen. Now i know when you walk into a movie like this you probably know whats going to happen. The job of the director should be to still engage and thrill me even though i know the outcome. i guess he dropped the ball and spent too much time dwelling on how Rockwell and Swanks characters are so close instead of showing all the interesting stuff.

The acting is great and i love seeing Minnie Driver in anything (not just because she is sexy). Swank and Rockwell and great but even they could keep me overly gripped.

Overall

Good but given how other true stories this year have been gripping and entertaining it seems a little dull in parts. Some excellent acting but just baggy and not half as interesting as i was hoping.

2.5/5

As if i made it the whole way though without saying it lacked conviction. Brilliant!

An Education - Movie No. 18

An Education

Director: Lone Scherfig

Starring: Carey Mulligan, Peter Sarsgaard and Alfred Molina

Year: 2009

Watched: 18/1/11

What the fudge is it?

A young school girl is whisked off her feet and shown a world away from school books by a charming but slightly creepy older man. The police don't get involved because its the 1960's and everyone was on drugs.

What I Thought...

Several people tortured me to watch this. i don't mean tortured as in made me watch 4 eyed monsters again but every time i would bump into them they would ask me had i seen it. I had it on my list mainly to see what all the fuss was about. Glad to say i finally got around to it so they can stop annoying me.

Set in the 1960's An Education is the story of a young girl (Mulligan) destined for University. Her life revolves around study and the ultimate goal of reaching university to pursue her education. Although Jenny has a desire to get away from the suburban bore she currently occupies her desire appear overshadowed by her slightly overly pushy father.

Jenny is a clever girl with a knack for studying and books but definitely has a romantic side. She wants to see the world, listen to French music and visit exotic locations. On a chance encounter with an older man Jenny is given the opportunity to see the world and embrace all the culture she desires. As the relationship develops David spends more time with Jenny which involves meeting her parents.

David does a fine job of charming Jenny and her parents. There are two great sides to the David character; the side we see with Jenny and the front that is put in place for her parents. i was sitting thinking "how is he gonna wing this one with her parents?" and every time the charming creep pulls it out of the bag. At times i thought some of the excuses and scenarios highly unrealistic. i would never let me daughter (i don't have one) hang out with a random older man. His lifestyle is extravagant and spontaneous i have to admit even if i was a 16 year old girl i would wanna spend sometime with this guy. Does that make me easy? i don't care.

Then i have to sit back and say to myself the film was set in the 60's you cant apply modern thinking to it. I'm not saying that in the 60's there were no bad guys but i can assume there wasn't the same amount of protection and in general peoples were a lot more trusting unless on acid.

Carey Mulligan deserves all the praise she is getting for her performance but i think the rest of the cast do a great job too. Much of the comic relief is delivered from Jenny father played by none other than Dr Ock from spider-man. Dominic cooper and Olivia Williams are great too.

The whole film romances the idea of life experiences and the beauty of not following a set path through education to work. There is also a nice little debate of University Education Vs Life Experience and which will make you happier and in the end be worth more to you. Sadly the film seems to lose the bottom slightly in the end and wrap up in what i felt to be a slightly awkward manner. Like stopping off at Mc Donalds for dinner it was lovely while it lasted but it wont tide me over and its effects are short lived.

I'm still slightly impressed with that little corker i just wrote about the Mc Donalds :-)

Overall

Just a nice film with a little internal debate over life experience vs education. Of course Mulligans performance is great but Molina, Sarsgaard and Cooper are no slouches either. Glad i watched it but not as memorable as i hoped.

3.5/5

The Squid And The Whale - Movie No. 17

The Squid and the Whale

Director: Noah Baumbach

Starring: Owen Kline, Jeff Daniels and Laura Linney

Year: 2005

Watched: 15/1/11

What the fudge is it?

The story of a more than slightly dysfunctional family as they are pulled apart by divorce. Bernard is a bitter novelist turned teacher, his wife Joan is an up and coming writer who has been unfaithful. As their marriage begins to fall apart their children forge new relationships with their parents. And a Baldwin plays tennis.

What i thought...

It was only after watching the film that i found out that the story is based on the childhood experiences of Noah Baumbach.

The Berkman family are messed up enough without having a divorce to deal with. Bernard played by Jeff Daniels is an intellectual and once published author turned teacher. We quickly learn that Bernard has a twisted and cynical view on the world and refers to people who don't read books or watch films as philistines which i hope i have the spelling right for. Daniels plays the character brilliantly and he is just a total jerk. There is no other way to put it, his bitterness and jealously grows as the film progresses but somehow you still feel a little sorry for him. He is an angry and pompous man who deep down believes he is always right. The only future for a man like this is alone and angry with the world. Jeff Daniels performance is fantastic and it only topped by Jesse Eisenberg and Owen Kline as his two sons.

With their parents divorced the kids times is spent between nights with their farther and mother. Walt the older of the two begins to side with his farther while Frank gravitates towards his mother. The two deal with the divorce situation in their own separate ways.

Walt believes that the sun does indeed shine out of his fathers bitter butt hole. instead of actually being intelligent and well read he tries his best to just appear that way to women. In one fantastic and cringe worthy scene he describe the metamorphosis as being very Kafkaesque before the girl he is trying to impress puts him in his place by saying that Karka wrote it. Walt is definitely his fathers son and his desire to be recognized as an intellectual/artist result in him making a total ass of himself several times. Eisenberg does a great job of playing the socially awkward teen and in the scenes with him and Daniels you genuinely believe his adoration for his father.

Frank the younger son sides more with his mother and her influence on him is also very apparent. Joan who is excellent played by Laura Linney is very open with the two about her sexual exploits and we get the impression she is a bit free spirited and hippylike. Its true that Frank along with the tennis playing Baldwin deliver most of the comic relief but the younger wanker also has some of the saddest scenes in the film. I call him a wanker as the divorce hits him at a bad age. He discovers alcohol and masturbation resulting in several scenes which are humorous but equally heartbreaking to watch. Frank decides to masturbate and spread his semen around the school library and lockers. His pass times also include getting hammered on his own and having angry outbursts while playing sports. Owen Kline is brilliant as Frank and i really felt for the little dude even if he was spreading his love seed everywhere.

To call it a lovely film would probably sound wrong but i just really enjoyed it. Everyone in it was great and although slightly sad in places its dark humour and great performance kept me watching from start to finish. Not really about the the end output as that seems inevitably but more about the journey the family take through the whole semen covered adventure.

Overall

Funny, sad and sometime just incredible awkward to watch. Jeff Daniels is fantastic but even his performance is overshadowed by Owen Kline as his youngest son. Quirky and funny without playing down the effects of divorce. Definitely worth a watch but probably avoid as a date movie unless your trying to give him or her a hint/glimpse of what could happen if it all goes wrong.

4/5

Machete - Movie No. 16

Machete

Director: Robert Rodriguez

Starring: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez and Robert De Niro

Year: 2010

Watched: 15/1/11

What the fudge is it?

Machete is a big badass Mexican. He is hired to take out a senator (De Niro). Before he can carry out his assassination he realizes he has been set up. Like every bad ass wronged hitman he decides to get revenge on the men who set him up. Funny bloody rampages ensue.

What i thought...

I am a total Rodriguez fanboy and i say that with a lot of pride. My nerdy fanboy obsession began when i was in secondary school. It was in secondary school that i think i started properly watching films mainly due to the influence of my older siblings. To cut a long story short thanks to empire and the wonder of VHS rentals i was introduced to El Mariachi, desperado and eventually the fantastic From Dusk Til Dawn. Yes i just described From Dusk Til Dawn as fantastic! Which i still think it is. I feel i should also mention that i loved The Faculty and Sin City too. If Rodriguez is anything he is a film fan, he makes films that embrace whatever genre they are in. Not ripping off or getting bogged down with the sound of his own words like some directors (Smith and Tarantino). I have always thought he makes films that he would like to watch instead of self indulgent homages to his own obsessions.

For anyone who isn't familiar with the birth of Machete, it all began with Grindhouse. To accompany the under rated planet terror and sadly disappointing death proof Rodriguez and Tarantino created mock trailers. One of these trailers was for an Mexican exploitation gorefest named Machete. Fast forward 3 years and we have a finished film by the same name.

Like Rodriguezs last venture into exploitive madness Machete sports a fantastic cast. i will get to the performances in a bit.....Machete is a hitman for hire, he takes a job to assisinate a local senator. Before he can pop the senator someone take a pop at machete. Slightly pissed off Machete begins to hunt down the men who set him up.

From the get go the film has an old shitty VHS feel to it. The lighting, action and dialogue all reminded me of a terrible action movie that you would find yourself watching just before every channel on the TV would sudden start trying to sell you ab machines. The action is hilarious and fantastic all at the same time and is accompanied by some fantastic cheesy guitar riffs. Shades of From Dusk Til Dawn and planet terror run through all the action scenes and on several occasions i found myself giggling at how silly it is to see a man perform the John McClane firehose trick with a mans intestines replacing the hose.

Danny Trejo is fantastic as the bad-ass machete. As Machete kills his way through hordes of men in the name of revenge a plot involving border control and immigration emerges. This is where the film drops the ball and almost begins to become something it shouldnt attempt. The tale of revenge and killing is fine without the complications of trying to give a message. i understand at the route of most exploitation movies there is some form of message be it a small one but Machete does pile on the message a little too much.

Although i though the added padding of the immigration and border control story was not needed it does introduce Jessica Alba as the sexy U.S immigration officer Sartana and Michelle Rodriquez as a taco making revolutionary Luz. Both women are fantastic and deliver the terrible dialogue and awkward sexual tension with great ease. Lindsey Lohans performance although short is perfectly fine, it would be nice to see her play a few edgier characters like this if she can stay out of rehab, brothels, asylums or wherever she spends her spare time.

Apart from Trejo standing out as Machete the best performance belongs to Jeff Fahey as Booth, many people will most recently remember him as the cool pilot from Lost. Booth is such as jerk and Fahey plays the perfect mix of cowardly and sinister throughout. For me the only disappointment in terms of acting was De Niro, the character of Senetor McLaughlin isnt the best but it seems that De Niro is still in that mode of playing someone doing a impression of the famous Bobby De Niro. With something like this you would expect someone like Bobby to go to town and pull something cool out of the bag but alas he doesnt. There are little sections of brilliant when you would look at Senetor McLaughlin and swear it was George Bush, if only he had have gone with this the whole movie.

For me the film rides a very thin line between being an exact homage of those terrible back of the shop VHS's and a daft personal project with a message. Rodriguez just about manages to steer Machete in the right direction. The action is hilarious and i laughed more than i have with any comedy recently. By no means perfect but i had a ball watching it. For fans of hammy action and exploitation muck this is a must see and remember....they fucked with the wrong Mexican.

Overall

Rodriguez knows how to make a genre fest of a movie without turning it into an overly indulgent love letter. Full of all the slap stick and fun that you would expect from any VHS found in the bottom of a bargain bin. Almost loses its way by trying to have a message but I throughly enjoyed it from start to finish. Laughs, Sex and Gore galore!! A masterpiece of a trashy film.

4/5

Megamind - Movie No. 15

Megamind

Director: Tom McGrath
Starring: Will Ferrell, Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt
Year: 2010
Watched: 15/1/11

What the fudge is it?

Will Farrell voices a big blue super villain called Megamind. Megamind has been locked in battle against Metro Man for years. After he finally beats the handsome superhero (pitt) he finds himself will less to do than an unemployed dol rat. With no sign on days to occupy him Megamind becomes bored and creates his own hero to fight against.

What I thought...

I am very skeptical about 3D animation. Could be because i am a nerd that teaches a load of animation or maybe it is that i feel animation not something to be treated like the silly dumb kid that can only make fart jokes. 3D Animation is just another type of film. I don't think we should look down on animation or complain if it is nominated for best film. Look at anything made by pixar or studio ghibli and you will see a collection of films that are miles better, gripping, acted and moving than a lot of the live action films in cinemas today. So i sit down to watch animated films with the same view as i approach a film full of living breathing humans. I do get worried because of the shite that is produced......the skreks of the world have me worried every time a new animation comes along without the name of pixar attached to it.


There are some good gags and the animation is great with some lovely lighting effects. In fact the film has all the polish and shine we expect from animation today. Only a few things are missing..... character depth, decent music and a heart.

With Mega Mind we get a Shrek like approach to the super hero movies as seems to be the fashion these days (kickass etc). By Shrek like approach i mean its played down very dumb and basically spelt out in plain English to us. Megamind is a big blue super villain who has been battling against Metroman for years. When he finally defeats him what the fudge will he do next? With Metro man gone Megamind becomes bored and wants someone to do battle with. Cue Hal Stewart (Jonah Hill) a slobby loser who has no luck with the ladies. Mega mind decides to give him super powers and train him to be his new nemesis. How does he train him? By posing as a Marlon Brandoesque character from superman. The Jor-El gag is one of the best in the movie, the character animation and voice acting for the little tubby superdad is great. Again though it is a cheap joke.

As i said above i had a right little chuckle to loads of bits in the film, but they were cheap gags. I thought Farrells voice acting didn't suit the animation, a lot of it sounded too ad lib which unless done brilliantly just doesn't work for animation. The difference between this and a pixar film is the gags feel well placed in a pixar movie and everything comes together nicely. Timing, character animation, voice acting it all needs to punch at the same time. Mega mind feels a little messed up in parts. It almost feels like Farrell just said what he wanted and some poor animator just did his best with it. Jonah Hills character for me worked much better....the facial movements and nervous body gestures fitted the voice acting and i really enjoyed all his characters parts.

There is a nice underlying theme which The Dark Knight addressed of whether superheroes would exist without villains and how they need each other to survive. The point although very good is never explored and i cant help but thinking if a bunch of brain dead writers and animators had spent more time on this than writing set pieces to fit AC/DC to we would have had a better film. Now i love a bit of old AC/DC but lets not just chuck them into any film because we can....why do animated films need musical numbers to survive? And i don't mean the fantastic Disney style musical numbers i mean taking a pre existing hit and just beating the little CGI fuckers of characters into singing it. Shrek I'm looking at you ya big dumb sell out ogre!!

So a film about the need for superheroes and villain and questioning do we need one without the other. This has been done far better before in the Incredibles. I adore the incredible and anyone who thinks it was so so i urge you to sit down and watch it again. Fantastic animation, good story and plenty of nods of the hat (not ripping off) of classics.



Overall

Meh. Some funny part with some nice animation but like most 3D animation these days it relies on mimicking pop culture instead or referencing it. Voice acting is very dodgy in places. You will chuckle but most likely not re-watch it as much as anything from the pixar/disney collection.

2/5

The Girl Who Played With Fire - Movie No. 14

The Girl who played with fire

Director: Daniel Alfredson

Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Nyqvist and Lena Endre

Year: 2009

Watched: 12/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Lisbeth is a spunky bisexual hacker. Blomkvist is a disgruntled editor. Together they solve shit. The 2nd film of 3. After a young journalist gets murdered for trying to expose a sex trafficking operation Lisbeth becomes the prime suspect. Blomkvist and Salander search for the truth and try to clear her name. Also contains a big unstoppable blond bastard!

What I Thought.....

My fist encounter of this film wasn't the best.....I had just finished watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on Bluray, bored and wide awake I decided to browse the special features. There was a sneak peak of the second installment. After watching it I was dumbfounded at how cheap the whole thing looked, the lighting, sets and even sound were like something from an ITV drama/series. Thankfully the finished film is a lot better than Crossroads or some other shite of that nature.

Ok so before I type on I should probably say that I loved The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo. I thought it was brilliant, a proper edge of your seat thriller with a weird Thomas Harris spin to it.

The girl who burnt her bit or the girl who played with fire picks up around a year after the first film (i'm not too sure so anyone who wants to correct me can just jog on). Lisbeth is abroad living a rather lavish lifestyle and getting a tan, lets face it she needed it. As a pale person I feel I can say this that woman looked sick. Blomkvist is still working at millennium doing his thing.

A new young fresh faced dude comes to millennium with a story on sex trafficing and prostitution, how can they refuse? To make the story even sweeter it implements many high powered people. I'm not causing a spoiler by saying that this dude does not make it to the 2nd reel of film. Sadly the little fresh faced fudger bites the dust. Who is the suspect for the murder? none other than the most unlucky bisexual hacker of all time (lisbeth Salander).

What follows is really two seperate investgations, we see Lisbeth on the outside of the law following up leads and clue which Blomkvist investigates the suspects of the sex trafficing to try and find the truth.

My only problem with the film is the distance between Lisbeth and Blomkvist. For me one of the best bits of the first film were the scenes with the two of them in it. This movie does a great job of showing the two working separately but I kind of missed that awkward tension and mutual respect between the two that I grew to love in the first film.

Thankfully the whole film looked and felt more expensive that the preview scene I saw at 4.3o in the morning. There are some great set pieces, my god am I at the stage where I use phrases like set pieces?.... fuck this is worrying. Anyway there are some great scenes with Lisbeth interrogating men, a burning barn and dig your own grave moment.

One new main character is very similar to a big bad guy you would find in a bond movie. He is virtually unstoppable and can't feel pain. Although far fetched the big brute is fantastic to watch and you really end up hating him, he reminded me a lot of the T1000 from terminator 2, at no stage did he turn into liquid metal so please do not sit down expecting him to stab someone through a milk carton. Some of the new characters are slightly strange with a lesbian kick boxer springing to mind as one of the more ridiculous.

The film has tension and goes some way to explain further the past of Salander. Although this is interesting the tension never really reaches the kind seen in the basement scene from the first film. It was that silence of the lamb feel that i enjoyed so much about the first and ya get to see little shades of that in this installment.

Overall

Felt a little cheap in parts but still has some of the magic from the first. Good follow up to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo but it was missing a lot of the tension and mystery from the 1st. Still well worth a watch.....has got me looking forward to finishing the trilogy.

3/5

Love and Other Drugs - Movie No. 13

Love and Other Drugs

Director: Edward Zwick

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway and Judy Greer

Year: 2010

Watched: 10/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Sexy Jake sells drugs to people using his sexy charm. He likes to get around and doesn't settle down with the ladies. Anne Hathaway is sick but still sexy and uses alot of medication, she doesn't like to get too attached to people. The two sexy mofos meet and all kinds of sexiness happens.

What I thought....

Haha you know what is amazing? After writing the review i went onto imdb to get some links to the director and actors pages and i read the synopsis from 20th century fox. Nearly spat my cordial everywhere. Here is it:

"Maggie (Hathaway) is an alluring free spirit who won't let anyone - or anything - tie her down. But she meets her match in Jamie (Gyllenhaal), whose relentless and nearly infallible charm serve him well with the ladies and in the cutthroat world of pharmaceutical sales. Maggie and Jamie's evolving relationship takes them both by surprise, as they find themselves under the influence of the ultimate drug: love."

I even read it in that cheesy voice....glad i found that because it kind of makes me feel better about the next bit i wrote.

I saw the trailer for this and wasn't too sure, bride wars had burnt me! i had lost my trust in chick flicks.....but in all honesty you know what? i love a good chick flick! come from many many years of seeing terrible freddy jr. films. I have a fantastic ability to switch off and become more camp and feminine for 2 hours at a time.

So the trailer made this look a little like a run of the mill chick flick with Chesty Jake and Anne Hateclothes. Its a total mis advertisement. What i went to see instead was a weird hybrid of a film. Part making comments on the nature of the pharmaceutical business, part sexy antics with Jake and Anne and part depressing story about the idea of being alone through choice and all kinds of dark things that were not shown to be in the advert!

Alot of the start of the film is spent showing the development of Chesty Jakes character from HiFi sales man to flogging anti depressants to doctors. We are shown a slightly Thank you for smoking character who does a job which is totally bankrupt. This guy is swine and how does he do it? through charm and sex appeal. The character of Chesty Jake reminded me a lot of Aaron Eckhart (prob spelt wrong) from Thank you for Smoking mixed with Silver Fox George Clooney from up in the air. Both of which i thought were great films and great characters.

Hathway is great playing the free spirited (hate that term) hottie. She manages to flip from sexy and strong to venruable and more or less dying (im not spoiling anything here).

The film has a weird pace to it and is pulling in loads of different directions. One one side we have a traditional rom com about a couple meeting and getting it on despite their life style choices and personalities objecting to it. Then we have a commentary on the nature of medicine sales and representatives in america. Then in the final third we have a pretty emotional look at the sacrafices people make to care for their loved ones with a long term illness. It shouldn't have worked and for alot of people im guessing it didn't! but for me it definitely did. I bought the rom com cheesy shite with all the fantastic nakedness from Jake and Anne (seriously these two have the most fantastic looking sex since 9 1/2 weeks). I loved the look into the life of a medical rep more or less deciding people futures all for money, their relationships with doctors and just how impersonal and seedy it all is. And......i welcomed the more serious and to be honest faily depressing final act.

Overall

Funny is alot of parts with a weird darker tone towards the end of the film. The bits of cheesiness mostly worked (just about) for me but everything else definitely did. I could watch Chesty Jake and Anne HateClothes make love all day long. A really nice change from all out shite comedies and over the top point making films. Great!!! just like Annes Cans!

4/5

Legendary - Movie No. 12

Legendary

Director: Mel Damski

Starring: John Cena, Patricia Clarkson and Danny Glover

Year: 2010

Watched: 9/1/11

What the fudge is it.....

Big John Cena is a bad bad man (yes thats a reference to his album). He used to be a wrestling champ with hopes and dreams now he just has sex with skanky women and lives in a trailer. Meanwhile his genetically opposite younger brother wants to take up wrestling.....will his estranged older brother help the little weed and maybe, just maybe form a relationship. Danny Glover fishes while this all goes down.

What I thought...

Im a massive wrestling fan and i think anyone who knows me is well aware of this disability. First off i know that no wrestler will win an Oscar and i know that wrestling is "fake". i can accept the no Oscars for HHH and stone cold but the fake one does annoy me sometimes. People almost say it as if it is some massive revolation! Like they being far more educated than me have stumbled across this fantastic nugget of knowledge. i mean are they saying that the undertaker hasnt come back from the dead around 12 times? Did triple h really not break into randy ortons house and kick the shit into him? Is vince Mc mahon really not in a coma?

Wrestling is scripted just like every other TV show. i never walk up to someone and say "you know east enders is fake!". To do so would be retarded. Think of the amount of ground breaking announcements i could make. The island on lost is made up. The dream in Dallas was all bullshit. Tony soprano isnt a real gangster. The thing i like about wrestling is when it is done properly it is story telling, instead of props and dialogue the crazy fools use their bodies. The bumps hurt and the amount of abuse they guys take is unbelievable. To call it fake would imply that the wrestlers were CGI. Naaaaa that guy did just fall off a ladder onto a table.

So next time you feel like telling someone wrestling is fake just think for a second and realize your being a tool bag. Better yet get in a ring and take a few bumps and see how fake it feels. Its by no means the best acted or most classy form of entertainment but to each their own.....if you dont like it i'll sweet chin ya.

I forgot about the film....

The film does feel like a TV movie the whole way through. This is mainly down to the lighting and production but it also has one of those stories. Those honky stories that my mother (Mrs McGrory to all you) enjoys watching on the hallmark channel.

Cena is hard to take as a darker character this is probably because most of the time i see him he is being cheesy and lifting big sweaty men over his head. He does show that he can get by in the acting department. The man will never win the Oscar but he is decent enough for someone the width of a bus with a neck like a tree trunk. if you look at the Marine to this is obvious he is learning something! Lets face it WWE can churn out action film stars aka Big bastard who can say lines and i am sticking by the condemned it was a good film!

(Who needs to act like Marlon Brando when you have bling like that)

Devon Graye plays Cal. A young dude who is around 6 stone ringing wet. His brother was a wrestler and his father was a wrestler and now he......plays with catfish! But not for long as he soon realises that rolling around a mat with sweaty dudes is much more fun. The relationship between Cal, his mother and Big John Cena is a difficult one. Cal hopes that through the wonder of jock straps and grappling they can all just get along.

The scenes with Cena and Graye are really good there is a definite chemistry there and we see Cena become more likeably as the film goes along. The training scenes are done well with the usual beauty of a montage (even rocky had a montage). The one big area that really let me down was the wrestling matches. Raging bull made Jake feel alone, Rocky made us feel every punch and the fighter gave that real PPV feel. Legendary as a wrestling film fails to make the wrestling the best bit! Its crazy to think that a film about wrestling with a massive pro wresling star would drop the ball on something so important but it does. The matches feel too fast and its almost as if the film makers assume everyone has a great knowledge of mat wrestling.

Danny Glover! Seriously he is int he film! Not for long but he is in there.....his character is terrible with a pathetic set up. Never explored and i actually forgot that the man who was too old for that shit was still in the film. I literally thought he got too old for that shit and died during shooting. In the last reel we see glover and there is a great reveal as to why the character is so important. Balls to that and for the second time in my life im saying i was disappointed in Danny Glover (predator 2 was the first)

Overall

Not as bad as watching promos on TNA. Cena is beginning to act a little which is nice to see. The wrestling is never shown as well as it could have been. Very hallmark and totally a TV movie but the big wrestling fan inside me enjoyed watching Cena teach a young skinny pup how to grapple men (wow that sounds wrong).

2/5

Its Kind Of A Funny Story - Movie No. 11

Its Kind Of A Funny Story

Directed: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck
Starring: Keir Gilchrist, Zach Galifianakis and Emma Roberts
Year: 2010
Watched: 8/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

A depressed teenage dude checks himself into a psych ward after feeling suicidal. Once in the nut house he makes all kind of weird and wonderful friends while learning that he probably isn't that depressed..and isn't half as crazy as other folk.

What i thought...

Uggghhh well past bedtime on a week night so i am gonna type and what comes out comes out...spellers of the world beware!!

Got to admit i ended up going to this because another showing was sold out. All i knew walking in the door was that a little weedy kid felt really depressed, checked into a psych ward and met the hairy dude from the handover. I was sold from the get go as daft as it sounds. I like Zach unspellable as i will call him from now on. Although he seems to be getting a little backlash since the hangover. Why is this? because obviously if he is in a film which loads of people like and find funny then the true comedy fans and film fans should stop liking him. Pile of shite! Its a separate rant for another day but a regular occurrence that once someone or something becomes big for the reason small amounts of people liked it those people suddenly stop liking it. Happens with music, films, games....everything down to smelling your own socks when you take them off. Maybe not the last one but i stand by it!

Anyway we meet Craig as he decides to try and kill himself. Shortly afterwards he checks himself into a psych ward and begins to meet the occupants and learn more about them. From the get go the comedy is that awkward slightly dark humor that you see in a serious man or thank you for smoking.....it deals with a serious matter but you laugh your way through it. instead of selling lies to make people die or divorce and searching for faith the topic this time is teen depression and feeling alone etc.

I think the film deals with its topics well and touches on the balance thats seen it the grown up version one flew over a cuckoos nest. Never reaching the heights of Jacks performance Keir Gilchrist put in a great performance as the troubled teen. This is by no means a cuckoo nest but i dont think it tries to be, to do so would be stupid. Instead it seems to be a film about a teenager who simple has trouble dealing with the day to day problems like girls, friends, distant father and family expectations. In fact one of the most interesting things about the film is the little love triangle that Craig finds himself in with a girl outside and one on the inside.

Zach unspellable is great as an older patient Bobby who seems the most sane out of everyone. The scenes with Boddy and Craig are great and act as a younger and older conversation of the same person. Bobbys characters isnt shown or explored as much as you would like but when he is serious he is good and when he is funny you will probably laugh.

The film juggles the quirky and serious very well for most of the film but verges on too much indy for little segments. A musical number featuring queen in the musical therapy session is funny but i could see why the quirkiness might be too much for a more disgruntled viewer (and im plenty disgruntled)

There are some great performance from the mother, father and little sister. Jim Gaffigan is great as a slightly clueless and distracted father and Lauren Graham shows that gilmore girls was just an elaborate bet that got out of hand and she actually can act and do comedy well. Emma Roberts plays a little emo love interest who is actually quite sweet...again some scenes teeter on being almost too quirky but for the most part it hold it together. Although Craigs bout of depression seems very light hearted and short i think the film has a message about teenagers and their worries and fears. Craig almost seems to realize that his problems are fairly small compared to other patients.

Overall

Great film, check your disgruntled face at the door and sit back and enjoy the quirky youthfulness of it all (i know it is hard, those pesky kids with their hair and their hormones!!!). Reminded me of Garden State which i thought wasn't a bad thing. Depression has never been so light hearted and funny.

4/5

Four Eyed Monsters - Movie No. 10

Four Eyed Monsters

Director: Susan Buice, Arin Crumley

Starring: Susan Buice, Arin Crumley

Year: 2005

Watched: 8/1/11

What the Fudge is it?

Arin is a film maker (thinks he is) Susan is an artist (thinks she is) both sturggle to fit into normal society and have relationships (no suprise! as they are asses!). Together they create an alternative to the traditional way of dating and a shite film in the process.

What I Thought...

I hated this so much i am not even going to spell check the review.....hope the grammar is all over the shop just like the film.

I think i found this film on quicktime trailers. For some crazy reason i made a note of the name and thought "that could be worth a watch". I dont drink or do drugs so this was clearly a moment of madness!

I have done this review backwards by writing the overall section first. The reason for this was i was so annoyed and rant filled i thought it best to get it out of my system. I fear the little ranting monster may return as i keep writing.

The film opens with some nice shots of busy street and we soon learn that the four eyed monsters refers to couples, i was thinking we had a good start here! As soon as we are introduced to the main character it all goes down hill. No one in this film i likable! No one!! if you can relate to these people then im sorry your a tit! and that isn't me being a pretentious twat and thinking because people aren't like me they are asses. No i am basing this on the general facts of life that occasionally you run into people so annoying that you wanna punch their faces! or kick then right in the shin and say "wise up! you cocky cock!"

Arin is a film maker! is he fuck! he made this film which is the most up itself, tripe, pretencious piece of crap i ever had the displeasure of watching! There is a flaw with a film where one character is a film maker and cant make films and the other is an artist and cant fucking draw. There is no art or filmmaking in this film it is dribble! Self indulgent dribble from two little weirdos that want to say "we are artists" and "we make films". No you dont!

(They could be lovely people in real life but wow this film really grinded my gears)

This is trying so hard to be different it turns out to be like every other piece of shite that two untalented people would call a film. Anyone can make a film right? yeah they can! thats whats fantastic about film making all you need is a camera and some editing software. I look forward to the day when games are the same, we are slowly getting to the stage where anyone can make a game! Doesnt mean everyone should!

Fuck im ranting again....so Arin meets Susan through some online bullshit and they decide to meet up. They come up with the idea of an anti date. Yeah i just wrote that....an anti date! They are sooooo coool and alternative and non conformist that they can communicate like normal people sop they have an anti date. ARRRGGHHHH its just tough to watch two people plaster how different they are on screen with so little talent. Anyway their shite little pathetic relationship develops and one of they gets and STI. i thought "fucking brilliant, you deserved that!" This is the only good section of the film!

Script is turd, acting is tripe, directing is dribble! They are not film makers or artists or people who should be given any attention! The kind of little weirdos that you may have the bad luck of meeting at some social gathering in your life. If you do tell them...they are not special and never ever try to make a film or artwork!

Overall

I feel my rant was so huge that i will find it hard to review this film so i am writing the overall section first. Total turd of the highest caliber, I hate arty cocks! I love arty people the kind you meet and you eventually find out that they love films or art or books. Not the kind of pompus little shitbag that ram it down your throat. I can make a film about being a cock, its fucking easy!!! I will walk around and talk about what it is like to be unique and alternative and outside the circle while. By making my film like every other little shit bag who thinks they are an artist I will therefore cease to be alternative or arty or edgy and remain a little fuck dog of an emo. The people who made this film are probably really nice but the film is total turd! Just hard to watch and badly written and dribble!! Bride wars is a total classic compared to this shite, this absolute shite!!

It hurt, they suck, fuck off, dont watch!!!!

I refuse to score this crap. Not even a comedy score....

The film is here if anyone wants to feel my pain....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8rRFFi_stY

The Next 3 Days - Movie No. 9

The Next 3 Days

Director: Paul HaggisStarring: Russell Crowe, Elizabeth Banks and Liam Neeson
Year: 2010
Watched: 7/1/11

What the Fudge is it?
Lara Brennan is arrested for the murder of her boss. With no evidence to prove her innocent she is locked in prison to rot like the dirty yummy mummy murderer she is. Her husband (Big Russell) is left pleading her case on the outside. After several years appealing the decision Big Russell decides to go all Michael Scofiled on the situation and break her out......without the use of tattooes

What iI thought...

Ahh big Russell I just don't know what to do with you. One minute your making romper stomper in which you are amazing then your in Robin Hood with an accent so dodgy it causes you to explode in interviews. Your fat then your thin its just hard to keep track of it and i think its taking a toll on our relationship. Robin Hood aside you can make a good film so i walked into The Next 3 Days hoping for something good.

The film introduces us to Big Russell and his wife having dinner with Johns (Big Rus) brother and his new girlfriend. A big argument erupts between the two ladies and the dinner ends. In the opening 10 minutes or so it is rammed down out throat how much in love Lara and John are. How do we do this? Make them act like a bunch of horny little teenagers and get them to strip each other clothes off at any opportunity. I mean if you have a kid the only way you could possible love your partner is if you act like a horny emo couple in the back row of a cinema every 10 minutes.

On that note i have had some terrible cinema experiences recently! If your gonna eat in the cinema keep it down. Dont fucking slop it into you like your paris hilton and its a vat of man juice. Turn off your fucking phone! even if you have it on silent why the fuck do you need to take it out of your pocket and light the whole place up? No one wants to contact you so bad that you need it on! Your watching a film ya daft shite! People should be shot! Like a little knee shot or foot just to let them know that it isnt ok to eat loudly, talk, laugh like a RE-tard, look at your phone, tweet or generally act like you have been raised by a pack of alcoholic retarded chavs!

Ok back to big russ and the search for freedom....

We hear of an argument that took place between Lara and her boss and to be honest even from the short opening of the film I thought "his wife is a bit of a dick!". There is something unlikable about this woman. She, despite the efforts of Elizabeth Banks seems cold and a bit of a bitch. I just thought to myself we should let the miserable cow rot in jail. Big Russ could run off with Olivia Wilde and live happily ever after on the grid...

With several years (or was it months) of her sentence being served we begin to see the affects of being a single father taking its toll on John. Russell Crowe is great in the film he is pretty believable as a maths teacher who is pushed to the edge. It is only when the absence of his wife begins to be too much that the film steps it up a gear.

Of course being a maths teacher he has no knowledge of how to break someone out of prison. So he consults youtube. Naaa first off he researches who would know how to break out of prison and finds Damon Pennington who is played by none other than Liam Neeson. The big irish man plays the part well as an accomplished escapee, scars accent and distant stare all the things you want from a hardened criminal. The only downfall is that the character pops in and out quicker than the afore mentioned emo teens sexual exploits.

Now the film becomes interesting with John preparing a prison escape. Cue decorating the wall of your house with maps and pictures and notes! If i was going to plan a prison escape i would do exactly the same, tattoos are so last year. John is at the end of the day an academic so everything is played out with a more educated approach. There is one very funny theme which keeps popping up. If John doesnt know how to do something he consults.....youtube! Although realistic in todays society (i once used youtube to learn how to tie a proper tie) it is a little daft. What ever happened to heading off to a darkened library and therefore leaving a book record that the cops could follow.


Overall

Meh....its ok in part but waiting for the break is a little. Big Russell is very good and so it Big Liam although he isnt in it enough. Run of the mill prison drama with a few turns here and there much like Law Abiding Spartan.

Note: Totally disgusted by the lack of Olivia Wilde who seems to be badly composited in some shots! Yes i was still recovering from my nerdfest that was tron but some bastard made me think she was going to be in it. Instead she feature in a wet fart of a storyline that barely leaves a steak mark on the boxers of the film!

2/5 (was going to be 3/5 but remembered the lack of Olivia)

The X Files: I want to believe - Movie No. 8

The X Files: I want to believe

Director: Chris Carter

Starring: David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson and Billy Connolly

Year: 2009

Watched: 6/1/11

What the fudge is it?

Mulder and Scully are asked back to the FBI when a paedo psychic priest (no joke!) begins to see visions relating to a kidnapping (not that kind of kid).

What I Thought...

I loved the X Files series when i was growing up it had all the creepiness of an conspiracy theory show mixed with a weird monster element. Its a good show when you can remember the individual episode names aswell as the plots. The show had a great ability to do whatever it wanted and just play it all off as X Files. You can go from Tooms to Home and both work just fine. It must have been a tough choice when making the second movie. Do we go with aliens? Monster/mutations?

Well the answer is neither.....lets go with religion! Yeah thats a good one because there is all kinds of dark shit in the bible and you can link in cults and stuff. This is gonna be great! Na fuck all that lets just get a priest who is psychic!

A priest thats psychic? Ok thats a bit weird but i though this could work......Lets make him a paedophile too! im sorry thats just stupid! out of all the stories and characters they could have used they went for:

A. Priest

B. Psychic

C. Paedo (as if the poor bastard didnt have enough going on)

The only way the character could be any more ridiculous would be if he had one eye, a lisp, crabs and bad breath!

So bad character aside we drop in on a case involving a kidnapping, the only leads to date are the visions of Fr. Touch the Boys played by Billy Connelly (swear im not making this stuff up). Scully now works at a catholic hospital (really?!?) and Mulder is hiding in a room growing his beard and decorating the place in newspaper clippings. After being approached by Xzibit (seriously) Scully recruits Mulder to work on the case.

What follows is pretty boring....after the inital thrill of seeing Mulder and Scully on screen

together and playing off eachother the story just gets dull. Billy Connelly is daft! I started laughing when he had visions causing his eyes to bleed! Proper girly giggling as i drank my tea in bed.

David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson slip back into the roles with ease. I'm so used to seeing Duchovny playing the walking hard on that is hank moody i was worried that he wouldn't be Mulder again. i thought he would be some weird combination of the two. A drunk, horny, writer with a fetish for aliens......this wasn't the case.

There are little sections that are nice. We see the usual paranoia of Mulder coming through but it is short lived. Scully wrestles with religion Vs. Science but the whole scenario in which this happens is dumb. There is a great appearance from Walter Skinner () but even with this the daft story is just too much!

Somewhere in the middle is one of the most stupid in jokes ever seen. People might see the X Files as cheap, nerdy, paranoid geeky porn and the following clip may have proved those people right. In jokes are good and the X Files always had some tongue and cheek with its conspiracy theory but this takes the piss. Dumb and Cheap like most of the film!

To top it all off after the credit there is the worst! and i mean the worst piece of extra footage! i waited for ages after iron man 2 to see a hammer in the middle of nowhere but if i had of waited for this i would probably have cried.

Overall

A TV movie at best. The plot is just stupid and lacks all the things that made the X Files so good. Fr. Touch the boys is just the worst character i've seen in the X Files. Mulder and Scully are good but even they couldn't save the movie.

2/5